Lost Memories
by Willow Mae
Summary: 17 years have passed since Hitomi was in Gaea, and she's all but forgotten her adventures. Only now, a terrible accident and a mysterious cardreading are about to pull everything back together again...
1. The Passing of Years

Hitomi floated through the sweet intoxication of her dreams

Hitomi floated through the sweet intoxication of her dreams. Everything was peaceful and quiet; the normal craziness of everyday life stood no chance in the depths of her sleep. She walked serenely through the garden in her dream, when something caught her attention. The gentle swish of mechanical wings, a single white feather floating gently onto the green grass before her, sparkling brightly in her mind's eye. Green eyes widened…

"Van!" Hitomi sat upright in bed, the name escaping her lips with shocked emotion. She took a moment to collect her wits, holding the covers about her in comfort. Taking a deep breath, she reminded herself that it was only a dream. It had been 17 years since her adventures in Gaea, and most memory of that experience had been blocked from her mind. Life had become too complicated to continue living in her fantasy world. By the time she had turned 25, she had convinced herself that the entire episode was simply a figment of her overactive imagination. However, in her dreams, she still saw the fertile lands of Fanelia...and somehow, she could not completely convince herself that nothing had really happened. On occasion, her dreams would hint to her what-ifs and could-have-beens…she pushed the dream from her mind and looked down at the sleeping figure beside her.

His chestnut hair shone in the moonlight coming from the open window. Hitomi's mouth spread into a loving smile as she gently bushed away a stray lock of hair from her husband's face and laid a light kiss on his forehead. She and Ruka had been married nearly eight years, and with each day Hitomi found herself loving him even more. Admittedly, she did not feel the completeness she yearned for, but she knew she was happy. She led a good life. She had no reason to grieve. And yet, Gaea…Van…sometimes, the tears came unexpected. Hitomi would scold herself for such childish fantasies, and would quickly forget. There was far too much to take care of in life. 

Silently, she rose from the bed, careful not to disturb her sleeping spouse. Drawing on a loose night robe on and slipping her feet into fuzzy slippers, she left the bedroom and walked down the hall towards the kitchen. She needed something to drink, a cup of tea perhaps. In the darkness of the house, she walked through the carpeted halls making her way to her destination. She only paused for a moment, listening at the slightly ajar door of her 5-year-old daughter's room. Through the doorway, she could her Kei's gentle breathing, a sure sign that the young girl was sleeping peacefully. A wave of motherly love swept over Hitomi and she stayed for a moment longer, indulging herself in watching her daughter sleep. Then, she finally made her way to the kitchen. After pouring herself a cup of warm tea, she settled down on the couch in their living room. 

Hitomi sat for what seemed like forever, her mind completely blank. No random thoughts drifted across her mind, no memories…her body was limp, molding itself into the soft fabric of the couch. She sipped at the tea, never really tasting its warmth or its flavor. Finally, she broke back into an awareness of sorts. Her eyes wandered across the dark forms in the room; she hadn't bothered to turn on any lights. On the table in front of her, a familiar box lay. 

__

~I don't remember bringing this out…~ she thought aimlessly as her fingers ran over the dusty card box. She shook the dirt from her fingers, then made a decision and opened the box. The tarot cards were stiff and slightly sticky from not being used in so long. She had kept them as a memento of her teenage years, but had long since given up trying to do readings. Yet now, it seemed like a good idea. She laid out the pattern.

"The Tower…card of separation." Hitomi's voice cracked as she read the first card in the chart. _~ Not again, please…~_ she read through the following cards, her voice barely above a whisper. "The Priestess, card of rebirth, Ace of Serpents, card of courage…card of sorrow…card of the past…" her hands shook as she lay down the final card. Carefully, she clasped her hands in her lap and stared at the chart in front of her. She realized that she didn't want to know what it meant. She didn't want to see what would happen. She stood quickly and returned to bed, pushing the ominous chart from her mind. Outside, it began to rain.

***

"Morning, angel." A husky voice said from the kitchen doorway. Hitomi turned to face her husband and gave him a quick kiss.

"Good morning Ruka." She held out a large ceramic mug to him, both hands clasped firmly around the steaming drink. "Here's your coffee." He accepted it gratefully and went to the front door.

"It's really coming down out there," he commented as he took the newspaper from the mail-slot. The plastic encasing the paper was still dripping from the torrents of rain.

"Yeah, the news was saying how it didn't look like it would let up any time soon either." The small television above the stove was broadcasting the early morning news, indicating where she had gotten her information. Ruka nodded and opened the paper, sitting himself in his usual spot at the table. Hitomi turned back to the stove where the smell of pancakes was quickly filling the air.

"Yummy! Pancakes!" a young voice from the stairwell cried. There was a loud thundering as tiny feet propelled a small body through the house.

"Kei! Please, be careful and slow down!" Hitomi called sharply. The child paid no heed and launched herself into the kitchen, only to be met by her mother's stern look. Kei pouted for a moment, then wrapped her tiny arms around her mother's thighs and peered up at Hitomi with large innocent eyes.

"Sorry mommy… can I have pancakes now?" Hitomi's stern look turned into one of pure adoration and she bent to hug Kei tightly. She chucked as she shooed the child to a seat beside her father.

"They're not quite ready yet. Why don't you go back upstairs for a moment and get ready for school?" Kei nodded cheerfully and with the usual spunk of any girl of 5 years, raced back to her room at full speed. The cry of "Kei, slow down!" never reached her ears. Ruka watched the scene over his newspaper and laughed as Hitomi shook her head in exasperation and flipped the pancakes.

"Do you think you can take Kei in to school today sweetie?" Hitomi asked. "I have a lot of work to finish up today, and the earlier I get started the better. I already called the office and told them I wasn't coming in."

"That's fine." Ruka smiled at her and put down his paper. "I can take her in." Hitomi gave him an appreciative look.

"Thanks." She looked back towards the stairs and raised her voice. "Come get your breakfast sweetheart, or you'll be late for school!" again, the thundering of footsteps was heard. This time, Hitomi didn't bother trying to scold her child.

"Morning daddy!" Kei bubbled as she took a seat next to her father. Steaming pancakes were placed in front of the two, and her father didn't have time to respond before Kei was stuffing her cheeks full of the warm food. 

"You'll choke yourself at that rate." Ruka chuckled as he folded his hands on the table and watched Kei eat. "Slow down a bit, would you?" Kei didn't reply as her mouth was full of food, but she did put the utensils down and took a moment to chew before finishing off the rest of her meal.

"Done!" she cried triumphantly.

"Good," Ruka grinned. "Now go get your bag. I'm taking you to school today." There was a pause as the child thought over the matter, then…

"YAY!!!!" Giggling with happiness, Kei shot back up to her room to get her school supplies. Ruka watched his daughter's reaction with a startled expression.

"You would think by the way she acts that she never sees me…" he mused. Hitomi wrapped her arms around his neck and kissed him.

"You're not far from the truth darling. You're not home much anymore…we miss you." Ruka held his wife tightly and kissed the top of her head.

"I'm sorry. Tell you what, when I get to the office I'll cash in some of my vacation days. I'll take a few weeks off, we'll go on a vacation somewhere. How does that sound?"

"Mmm sounds wonderful." Kei thundered into the kitchen again and latched herself onto her father's arms, dragging him towards the garage.

"C'mon, c'mon, c'mon daddy!" she giggled. Hitomi cast a worried glance out of the window at the downpour of rain. She voiced her concern.

"Ruka, be careful when you're driving. The roads will be slippery." He nodded as he was ushered outside.

"I will be dear, don't worry." With a hug and a kiss to each of them, Hitomi saw her family off. Then, after having her own breakfast, she went to her office and began the days work. Outside, the rain thundered down.

***

Hitomi sat at the desk in her study, flipping through the files on her lap. The end of her pen was mangled after much use, both from her frantic writing and her gnashing teeth. The pale blue glow of her computer screen contrasted to the hazy yellow aura of the desk lamp. The floor of the study was littered with unsorted papers and miscellaneous filing folders. The desk around the computer was just as covered with old coffee mugs and broken pencils. Yet despite the disorganization of the study, Hitomi managed to remain so absorbed in her work that she nearly missed the muffled ringing of the phone. Shoving aside piles cluttering the desk, her hand clasped around the portable phone.

"Moshi moshi, Sakitamo residence. Hitomi speaking." She spoke the reflexive response. There was a pause on the other end before a male voice spoke gently.

"Mrs. Sakitamo, this is the Taitoku Hospital. I'm afraid I have some bad news about your family…" Hitomi felt blood rush to her head. She closed her eyes to stop from swaying, and licked suddenly dry lips before speaking.

"I'm listening." She whispered hoarsely. Another pause.

"There's no easy way to say this," the man from the hospital said uncomfortably, trying to keep a calming tone. "I'm terribly sorry to inform you that your husband and daughter are dead."

Time froze.

The slow thudding of her heart sounded loudly in the silence of the room. In slow motion, the phone clattered from her hands onto the floor. Inconspicuous tears threaded their way from forest green eyes that stared blankly at the wall. In the back of her mind, a voice whispered cruelly _~ You saw this coming…the cards told you and you ignored it. It's your fault…~ _The knots forming in her stomach clenched painfully and a cry forced itself from between her lips. The chair slid from beneath her and she fell limply beside the phone.

"Hello? Mrs. Sakitamo, are you all right? Mrs. Sakitamo?" the faint voice over the receiver called to her. She picked it up slowly and brought it to her ear in zombie-like motions.

"I'm here." She spoke in a deadpan voice around the thickness in her throat.

"Mrs. Sakitamo, I can only imagine how hard this must be for you…" a fresh stream of tears traced their way down her cheeks. 

"How did it happen?" her thick voice miraculously remained calm.

"They were in the car when they hit a slippery area of pavement. The car skidded off the road and hit a tree; the impact killed them instantly. I assure you there was little pain involved…Mrs. Sakitamo, I'm afraid I must ask you to come down to the hospital. There are some technical matters that must be taken care of--" The line went dead.

Hitomi hung up the phone in silence. Slowly her brain sent the message to her limbs that she needed to move. Supporting herself by leaning heavily on the desk, she rose from the ground.

__

~ Alone, alone, alone ~ her mind whispered frantically._ ~_ _Dead, dead, dead…~_ The tears stopped flowing as Hitomi fell into a state of shock. She barely felt herself walking up the stairs. She passed the door to her daughter's room. Which had been left slightly ajar in the rush to get to school. The bedsheets were rumpled in a pile that cascaded onto the floor. Mechanically, Hitomi entered the small child's room and with gentle slowness mad the bed. 

Pull the Barbie covers over the pillow, smooth the wrinkles out, arrange the stuffed animals…

Hitomi stopped her ministrations as her eyes caught hold of a small stuffed panda lying beside the bed. She reached down and tenderly picked it up. Kei had owned this bear since infancy and it had always been her favorite animal of all. Countless nights the child would listen to her mother and father tell bedtime stories, and when the lights went out and goodnight kisses were exchanged, her tiny hands held out the bear to be kissed goodnight as well. Hitomi now clutched it tightly to her chest, praying that the security it had given her child each night would reach into her. She left quickly, going into her own bedroom that she and Ruka had shared for the past eight years. She collapsed upon the bed, curling into a ball in the place that Ruka had occupied each night. There, the finality of their deaths hit her full force, and she wept bitterly into the soft fur of the bear.

~~~~

Some quick notes from your local author ^_^ Thanks for reading through this far, hopefully more will come in the near future. I do realize that it's not normal to receive a phone call from the hospital, but I felt it was more appropriate for Hitomi to be alone when she got the news. I also realize that the chapter went sort of fast, but there's no helping that ^_^ Read it slower and it doesn't rush as much ^.~ Novel thought, ne? Anyway, I appreciate everyone's reviews and I'll continue to work on all my stories muchos arigatous!! (O_o remind me not to mix languages….)


	2. Of Tarot Cards and Memories

"Hitomi

"Hitomi?" a voice called to her quietly. Hours had passed since the time of the phone call, and Hitomi no longer had the strength to weep. Instead, she heaved heartsick sighs and shuddering breaths.

"Hitomi, please look at me." A friendly hand touched the mourning woman's shoulder. Hitomi turned her tear-stained face from the bedcover.

"Yukari…" she tried to smile at her long time friend, but couldn't find the strength.

"The front door was unlocked, I hope you don't mind my coming in." Yukari sat beside her on the bed and pulled Hitomi into a fierce embrace. "I'm so sorry Hitomi! I'm so sorry…" even at 32, Yukari had lost none of her compassionate heart. "Amano told me. The hospital called him at work since he's your insurance agent…oh Hitomi, I'm sorry…" Yukari held her friend tightly and the two women cried on each other's shoulders. 

"Yukari," Hitomi whispered into her friend's shoulder. 

"What is it dear?" Hitomi sighed and turned her face towards Yukari's neck. 

"I don't want to be here anymore." Yukari grasped her shoulders and gently pushed her away from their embrace to look thoughtfully into her eyes.

"Eh? Hitomi, what are you talking about?" her soft voice was serious, and filled with concern. Hitomi refused to meet her friend's gaze.

"I don't want to be here anymore." Her voice was quiet and calm. The sincerity with which she spoke frightened Yukari, who watched her with a worried gaze. "I don't want to live in this place. Yukari, they're GONE and I'm all alone…all alone…I can't live here anymore. I won't." Yukari's grip on her shoulders tightened, and Hitomi was shook gently but firmly.

"Don't you dare talk like that, Hitomi Sakitamo. I will _not_ tolerate that sort of attitude, do you understand me?" Hitomi closed her eyes and shook her head violently, fresh tears forming between her eyelashes.

"It's not worth it anymore. Life on this planet isn't worth it…I'm sorry, I tried…I can't…oh, Yukari!"

"Hitomi! There are still people here who love you. **_I_** love you. Don't you dare talk about killing yourself!" There was an awkward moment of silence between the women as they sat staring at each other on the bed. At last, Hitomi spoke again. She pulled her knees to her chest and wrapped her long arms around herself, muffling her saddened voice with her knees. 

"Do you remember when I thought I loved Amano?" The voice that came from her was soft, innocent and childlike. 

"Yes. It was so long ago, Hitomi, what brings that to mind?"

"That day when we thought Amano was leaving the country, and you told me to tell him how I felt…" Hitomi stopped speaking, green eyes glazed over with forgotten memories. 

"I remember." Yukari whispered, hanging her head and smiling. "I can to your house and told you hurry up or you'd miss your chance. You hugged me and apologized for not noticing. For the life of me I couldn't piece together what you were talking about."

"I wanted to see him again." Hitomi whispered, falling back across the bed. Her feet brushed across the floor and she gazed up at the ceiling. "I want to see him now, Yukari. But I don't think I can." Yukari gave her a puzzled look.

"I'll call Amano and see if he can come over. I'm sure that would be no problem." Hitomi shook her head silently and looked at her friend with saddened eyes.

"Not Amano. When I was running, there was a great pillar of blue light. Do you remember? Of course you do, how silly of me to ask. Yukari, that was what I wanted to see again. The boy in that light, Van. That was who I wanted to see again, not Amano. I loved him. He came for me when I needed him then. But now…now…"

"Now." Yukari confirmed softly. "You've had a very difficult day Hitomi. I think you should rest a while. I'll stay with you until you sleep, if you like."

"I'm a changed woman." Hitomi moaned miserably. "I'm not who I was then. I want to go back to Gaea. I don't want to be here, in this world, any longer. Can you understand that, Yukari? I was always happy in Gaea, even during the war. I need that happiness again. I can't deal with all this pain." Her voice caught in her throat.

"Hi--" but Hitomi cut her friend off.

"It's like someone has stolen my soul. That's what it feels like. I can't feel anything anymore. Nothing but this void of emptiness where my heart used to be. Ruka, Kei…they were the pillars that held me up, kept me strong. Without them, I can feel myself slowly crumbling. I need to back to Gaea so I can be strong again. So I can live again. But I've changed so much, I don't know how to get back. Yukari, I'm so lost…"

"Hitomi, you need to rest." Her friend told her kindly, clasping her hand. "Go to sleep, relax. The pain will ease over time. We'll help you through this tragedy. I promise you're not alone. I'll stay with you, always, I promise."

Hitomi gave her friend's hand a grateful squeeze.

"Thank you, for everything." She closed her eyes and sighed sadly, and soon she was asleep.

***

Hitomi's eyes opened slowly. It felt as though she was awakening from a dream; a delicious, grotesque, beautiful and hateful dream. Once more reality bore itself into her soul and the grave feeling of loss took hold of her again. Downstairs, she heard Yukari making something in the kitchen. Now was her chance. She could disappear, back into Gaea while no one was here to convince her to stay. Quietly, she padded over to the large desk set in the corner of the master bedroom. Grabbing a pen, she wrote a rapid note. She placed it inside an envelope, on which she scrawled "Yukari, Amano, and my family". When she had finished, she sat back in the chair and prayed.

__

~Take me back…~ her silent whisper begged. In her minds eye she gazed upon the green fields of Fanelia. The softness of the grasses whispered around her ankles, she breathed in the crisp sweet air of the land she had left so long ago. Her heart beat quicker. Had she made it? She opened her eyes…

…and looked down at the envelope on the desk.

Another cold hand of sorrow gripped her heart. All hope fled from her and she lay her head in her hands. If she had the strength the cry, she would have again. Yet no tears would come, and her body was weak from the toll the events of the day had taken.

"Too much…" she moaned softly. "I've changed too much…Gaea will not take me anymore."

She rose and moved out into the hallway. She had intended to go see what Yukari was cooking in the kitchen, but her feet paid no attention to her will. Instead, she found herself in the living room, looking at the small wooden box that held her tarot cards. Mindlessly, she picked them up and hurried back into her room. Unlike the night before, she opened the box and shifted through the stiff cards swiftly. There was no hesitation as she laid the chart. Her eyes flickered over the cards with an eager hunger. While she read, there was only one question on her mind.

__

~How can I get back to Gaea? ~

She held the final card in her hand, staring intently at its backside. Would it work? The unfinished chart grinned up at her, taunting her to complete it. Her reading thus far was two-sided…there was or there wasn't something that remained to link her to Gaea. If it existed, it was rusty from lack of use. If it didn't exist, she was lost. What was it? Where was it? Where could she find it? What did she need to do? The hesitation hit Hitomi full force. Did she want to finish this chart? What would she do if the chart told her that there was no hope of ever returning to Gaea, to happiness? What would she…yes. She needed to find out. With grim determination, she flipped the final card over and completed the chart. The card was blank.

A choked sob escaped Hitomi's lips. Would she never get an answer? She reached down to begin taking apart the chart when she noticed something odd about the blank card. Slowly, a picture was forming on the white face. She was barely able to make out a pair of wings…and then she was encased in light.

It was instantaneous and very familiar even after 17 years. The faint blue light burst forth from the chart, engulfing Hitomi in its friendly warmth. She felt herself being lifted, almost like flying, and she knew that she was returning. Her prayers had been answered; she would live again. She closed her eyes and willed herself back into the land of her dreams.

---

Yukari was climbing the stairs carefully, balancing a plateful of cookies on her hand as she used the other hand to grip the banister. She reached the top of the stairs just in time to see the brilliant flash of light emitting from under the master bedroom door. Forgetting all else at hand, she dropped the plate of cookies and raced to the door. Grasping the handle, she tugged violently, in her haste to enter the room she had difficulty opening the door.

"Hitomi!!" She screamed, banging on the door frantically. At last, the handle turned in her grip and she burst into the room just as the blue aura began to fade. Dimly she could see her friend's placid form in the centre of the glow. Terrified, Yukari screamed again and raced blindly into the light. "Hitomi!! Hitomi!" But just as she reached her friend's side, Hitomi smiled at her and vanished. The light faded and Yukari was alone in the room. With a cry of anguish, Yukari fell to the floor. Through the open window, a light breeze blew the envelope off the table. Her hands shook as she reached out to take the white slip from within.

__

My dearest friends and family~

Yukari's eyes skimmed over the familiar handwriting.

__

If you are reading this, it means that I am no longer a part of this world.

I want you all to know that I have gone to a better place, a place where 

I can be happy again. I love you all dearly, and the decision to leave was

a difficult one to make. Please do not mourn for me, because I am happy

where I am. You may not understand my reasons for leaving, or

understand why I am never coming back, but that's okay. It is not that 

I no longer loved any of you, in fact, it was the most painful thing to leave

everyone behind. But I knew that it was my time to leave, so I could find

happiness again. And I will, I promise. So do not weep for me, do not

mourn my disappearance. Instead, I beg of you to be happy for me, to 

love me for my decision and to pray that I find what I seek. I will think 

of you always,

Your Hitomi.

Yukari finished reading, tears falling down her face at a steady rate. She folded up the letter and returned it to its envelope, and rose slowly from the floor. On the desk was the single blank tarot card. Yukari's hand touched it gingerly, then picked it up and held it closely to her heart. Slowly, she turned and walked from the room. She picked up her purse on the way out, and slipped the card and letter into the front pocket before climbing into her car and driving off down the road.

~_Hitomi, I will pray for you. Please, find what you seek. I'll love you, always. ~_

~~~~

Hi there! You're local author (again) just trying to cheer up the mood a bit after you finished this chapter. ^_^ So, did everyone like it? I hope so. Don't worry, it won't be a completely morbid story. But here's fair warning: not everything is peachy once Hitomi gets back to Gaea. It's gonna be a rough journey for her and for the others. I'm trying to stay away from as many clique's as possible, so I hope it's working. Please tell me what you think, and if you want to give me any ideas as to where it should go I'd gladly accept them ^_^ I just have a basic sketch worked out in my mind, so I welcome your suggestions and I'll see if I can work them in somehow. Thank you again for reading! ~Wil--chan


	3. Changes Over Time

"Get up." A voice ordered Hitomi. Slowly, the woman opened her eyes and looked about her. She lay in a field of soft green grass. Hurriedly she pushed herself into a sitting position and cast her gaze to the sky. There hung the blue planet she has lived on all her life, the Mystic Moon. 

"I made it." Hitomi breathed a happy sigh. 

"Stand up and state your business." The voice said again. Hitomi looked to the speaker. It was a tawny young cat woman, dressed in a short battle skirt and top. Her pink hair had been divided into two tight braids that swung down her back. Her blue eyes were calm, but her tail swished behind her in an agitated manner. She held a long sword in her hand. It hung by her side limply in an non-threatening manner, but Hitomi could tell by the trim muscles in the other woman's arms that she knew how to use the weapon, and that she would, if need be. Slowly, Hitomi got to her feet.

"Am I in Fanelia?" she asked the cat woman. 

"You are. I ask again, what is your business? I think it only fair to warn you that I'm not alone, so it wouldn't be wise to try anything funny." She twisted the sword in her hand slightly to maker her point. Hitomi found herself becoming frightened. What had happened since she had been here 17 years ago? She never remembered Fanelians being so hostile before. Still, she had to cling to the hope that she could still find a way to live here. 

"My business is to see King Van." Hitomi said carefully, unsure of what might agitate her companion. "Or Merle, if she is still at his side. Tell me, are they still alive?" her voice carried a heavy note of anxiety as the thought that perhaps they had died in some way came to her. She felt her heart tighten within her breast as she fought back oncoming hysteria. She felt that if everyone she had loved were gone, perhaps it would be time to join them herself. The cat woman was looking her over suspiciously, but something in her manner seemed friendlier. A thought flashed through Hitomi's mind as she watched her companion, but she didn't voice her thoughts quite yet.

"Who are you, to seek conference with them?"

"So they are alive?" Hitomi breathed as she felt relief washing through her.

"Yes."

"Thank God…" Hitomi sank to her knees and nearly wept for joy. "I'm an old friend."

"Lord Van has few friends now." The younger woman said. "I am one of them. If you were as well, I'm certain I would know of it."

Hitomi chewed on her lip in frustration. All she wanted was to see Van again, to be brought back to life in his love. It was proving to be difficult to convince this woman to take her to him. Suddenly, a thought struck her. 

"I have come from the Mystic Moon to advise the king in…current affairs… " She said emphatically, trying to invent a cast to please the other woman. She recalled that awe the people of Gaea held for the planet Earth and she hoped to play this stranger's suspicious against her. She was about to launch into a more detailed story of her mystical powers and details of her soon-to-be-invented prophecy for the kingdom of Fanelia when the cat stopped her. 

"There is only one person I have ever known to come from the Mystic Moon. She left long ago." Hitomi froze halfway through forming her next sentence, looking over the woman before her. She had noticed it before, but she had dismissed the thought earlier. Yet now, she wasn't so sure. Yes, the eyes had the same sort of light…her hair was certainly longer, but it was still pink…she noticed her companion eyeing her in the same sort of manner, as though a light had clicked on in both their minds. 

"Merle/Hitomi?" they asked each other simultaneously. Two pairs of eyes widened in recognition.

"It really is you…" Merle whispered, her body gone limp in astonishment, her marsh mannerisms dropping at once.

"Merle!" Hitomi wept, wrapping her arms around the younger woman's neck and clinging like a child. "I'm so glad to see you again…" she buried her face in the soft fur on her neck. The sword Merle had been holding dropped to the ground as she wrapped her arms around the crying friend attached to her neck.

"Hitomi, are you all right?" she asked, stroking her friend's light brown hair in a soothing manner.

"Take me to see Van, please." Hitomi murmured, not loosening her arms from her old friend. "I have little strength of heart left." Merle bit her lip worriedly as she tried to find words to explain the trouble. She couldn't take her friend to see Van, much as she longed to. It wasn't possible…

"Captain?" a voice asked from the tall grasses. Merle looked to the sound and a young man stood up from his hiding spot. 

"It's all right, Bendil. Gather the rest of the squad, we're going back." The young man's eyes widened and he looked around nervously.

"But Captain…" Merle fixed him with such a stare that he fell silent immediately. Hitomi wondered about the title her friend had, but said nothing. 

"That's an order. We're taking the Lady Hitomi back to the palace." She gave her friend a title so the men would know to treat her with respect. "There are other squads patrolling, and we'll send a reserve troop to take our place. Dismissed." Bendil executed a smart salute and jogged back into the field, bringing other men to their feet as he went. 

"Come on Hitomi, it's a short ways back to the palace." Hitomi nodded and began to walk alongside Captain Merle, never once removing her arm from around the other's neck. Merle, disturbed not only with Hitomi's sudden dependence on her but also burdened with thoughts of how to explain the many changes over the years, supported Hitomi through the whole walk to the palace. Once back, she placed the green-eyed woman in the care of a kindly serving maid. After promising a visit to Hitomi later and deflecting another inquiry about Van by instructing the servant to find a suitable room for their guest, Merle jogged out to the barracks and readied a replacement squad to finish searching the area her troop found Hitomi in. 

"Captain!" the men in the room stood as she entered. 

"Gentlemen." She acknowledged as they sat down again and went back to their business. "Any news, Janon?" she asked the first man. He was dressed differently than the others, and by his bearing was obviously an officer of high rank. 

"None so far." he apologized. "Do you think we should send out some melefs yet?" Merle chewed her lip and wrinkled her brow.

"I don't know what to do." She sighed, leaning against the wall. "No, don't send the melefs out yet. I know we were going to if there was no news by now, but I don't like the idea of the troops frightening the people. Send a squad to the fields west of the city, we didn't finish our patrol. There is a new player in the game, and I'm hoping that somehow, things will start to fall into place."

"What kind of player? Will they be able to help?" Janon asked. 

"I'm not sure." Said Merle. "Keep searching for now, I have some other business I must take care of."

***

Hitomi was playing with the drapes in the large room she was in when there was a knock at the door.

"Come in." she said. The door opened just wide enough to let the little girl on the other side through. She was dressed simply but elegantly in a green velvet dress that fluffed around her knees. Her raven hair was braided around her head like a crown and her hazel eyes watched Hitomi with suppressed wonder.

"Are you the Lady from the Mystic Moon?" she asked, her voice light. The lilt of her tone suggested a noble upbringing. 

"I am." Hitomi responded, coming to kneel by the young child. She couldn't have been much older the five or six years old. _About Kei's age…_ Hitomi couldn't keep the thought from running painfully through her mind. "And who are you?"

"You may call me Molly." The child responded, conducting a tiny curtsy.

"I'm glad to meet you, Molly." Hitomi responded, taking the edges of her shirt between her thumb and forefinger and conducting a variation of the curtsy Molly had just performed. The child giggled, and it tugged a string in Hitomi's hear. Never again would she hear her daughter's happy laughter…

"I heard that you knew my father. Is that true? Tell me stories about him." The child half begged, half demanded. Hitomi sat back on her heels and looked closely at the child.

"I may have know your father," she said, mentally listing every name she could remember from seventeen years before. "Who was he?"

"Hitomi? It's Merle. Can we talk?" the voice was accompanied by a knock at the door to the chamber.

"Merle! Please, come in!" the cat-woman entered.

"Hitomi, I need you to understand that a lot has changed since you were here…" then her eyes landed on the small girl standing just behind Hitomi. "Princess Margaretta! I did not see you there." Merle coughed uncomfortably. 

"How do you do, Aunt Merle?" Molly wrapped her arms around the cat's legs. 

"Princess?" Hitomi whispered. She looked at the child, dumbfounded. Now she could see…such a resemblance to Van…

"Um, yes. This is one of those changes I mentioned…"she placed her hand on the girl's black hair. "Hitomi, this is Princess Margaretta, Lord Van's daughter. I'm sorry." Hitomi felt faint as things began to register. Of course. Seventeen years had passed. She had married and had a child of her own; she couldn't have truly expected Van to wait for her forever. Not really. It was only logical that he had formed a family of his own. After all, he was a king; there were endless reasons why a family would be a good idea. Still, Hitomi could not help feeling jealous and hurt. 

"I understand. I would still like to see him, to give him and the queen…" she couldn't bring herself to say 'his wife'. She said her words with false happiness. "…A proper congratulations." She couldn't believe how difficult it was to feign her calm.

"Daddy's gone." Margaretta offered helpfully. 

"Molly, dear, why don't you go back to your studies? I met your tutor on the way here and he's quite frightened by your disappearance." Merle said kindly, nudging the child towards the door.

"I was only playing around. I wanted to meet the magic Lady." Molly pouted before skipping out, only to poke her tiny head back in the door. "Lady Hitomi, please come by the nursery at some point. I would very much like to hear some stories." She commanded. With a giggle, she left again.

"She's a dear child." Merle commented, sitting down beside Hitomi on the floor.

"I know. She reminds me of my own." Hitomi gazed at the floor, smiling without bitterness. Merle looked shocked.

"You have a child?" she asked. Hitomi gave a slight nod. "She must be very sweet. Do you think there may be a way for me to see her?"

"She'd dead." The response was clipped. The two women were silent for a while, before Hitomi continued. "My husband is dead too. That's why I came back."

"I see. I'm sorry." They sat in silence for a few moments more.

"Molly said that Van was gone." Hitomi ventured, not raising her eyes from the floor.

"Unfortunately, yes. There was some trouble along the southern border and he went to go investigate. He intended to make a political mission to ask the duke who owns that land to keep his people in line.

"He's a good, caring king." Hitomi sighed, her thoughts lingering on the handsome boy she had fallen in love with. "When will he return?"

Merle was silent for a moment, fidgeting uncomfortably as she struggled to decide what to tell her friend.

"Hitomi, I have to be honest with you. I couldn't bear to lie to you, even though I don't want to add to your pain." Merle clasped her hands together in her lap. "He was to return 2 weeks ago. No one knows where he is now. He's disappeared completely."

~~~

Hey everyone! I'm surprised at the number of responses this has gotten! Don't get me wrong, I love it! Your reviews motivate me. Hope everyone is enjoying it so far. Go read my other stuff! ^_~ Don't you just love how I promote myself? So charismatic…O_o I think I'll leave you lovely people to read the next chapter. 3 Willow


	4. The Veil of Mystery

Midday found Hitomi walking alone in the palace gardens. Merle had tried to stay with her, but Hitomi had insisted on being alone. The gardens were lush this time of year, and Hitomi found herself relaxed in the sweet-smelling air. Mockingbirds twittered in the trees and colorful butterflies sucked the nectar from freshly opened buds. Alone with her thoughts, Hitomi found peace.

Since the accident, she had found nothing but heartache. She had truly believed that coming back to Gaea would bring happiness back into her life, but it appeared as though things would not be so cut-and-paste. Still, life on Earth seemed to be little more than a dream. Or perhaps, she thought, being back on Gaea felt like a dream. She wasn't sure. Seventeen years had been spent repressing memories of this place, yet the moment she returned it felt like she had never left. True, Ruka and Kei still hung clearly in her mind and heart, but true also that an air of calm had possessed her upon her return. Grief wasn't as painful; hope wasn't lost. Fanelia always seemed to have that effect on her, she remembered with a smile. So lost in thought was she that she nearly jumped when a feathery voice spoke to her.

"Walking always clears my mind too." Hitomi turned to face the speaker. It was a woman slightly younger than herself, perhaps 28 or so. Her blonde hair fell in delicate waves around her hips and was pulled away from her petite face and held by a cap of pearls. Brown eyes smiled up at Hitomi, and the woman held out a dainty hand adorned with bejeweled rings. "Welcome to Fanelia, Lady Hitomi." 

"Your Majesty." She recognized the elegance of nobility as she greeted Van's wife. Hitomi took the woman's hand and bent to kiss it, but the lady grasped her firmly and shook.

"Please, you must call me Josine." Her beautifully painted lips smiled warmly, coaxing Hitomi to smile back. "Come, walk with me. I would enjoy your company." The elder woman nodded and followed the queen through the gardens. Silence accompanied the two for some time as Hitomi searched her mind for an appropriate thing to say.

"Fanelia seems peaceful." She finally ventured. Josine smiled.

"Yes, Van works hard to keep it that way. I suppose he's seen enough fighting for one lifetime. It's a pity he isn't here, I think it would have warmed his heart to see an old friend." The walk came to a halt, and the queen turned to her guest. Josine pushed a blonde wisp of hair from her face shyly. Her chocolate eyes filled with worry and she gave Hitomi a pleading look. "Forgive me, I forget to whom I speak. I had hoped not to speak of Van before you, but if it is your wish to talk of him I will not hesitate further."

"That's very considerate of you." Hitomi smiled and the women began to walk again.

"It is the least I can do. He did so much for this country. Captain Merle said that you might be able to help bring him home. Is there truth in that, Lady Hitomi?" Queen Josine's eyes filled with hope.

"Majesty, I'm not sure what Merle has told you about me, but there is little I can do except pray for his safe return." Hitomi protested. A look of despair reached into her eyes.

"Merle seemed so confident, but I suppose you're right. Forgive me for pressuring you." Hitomi smiled at the gentle woman.

"It's all right. I can tell you love him very much." Josine remained silent and did not look at Hitomi. At last she spoke, softly.

"I suppose you're right." Hitomi glanced at her suspiciously, but the queen brushed past her own strange comments and continued to speak. "I was intending on taking a ride later today, I would be pleased if you joined me."

Hitomi thought a moment. She had intended to spend the rest of the day alone in her room, thinking over the troubles in her life. At Queen Josine's suggestion, however, this idea suddenly seemed far more depressing than it had. Granted, it was depressing, but she felt the need to mourn and be alone for a while. Still…one can't mourn forever. She was facing a new aspect of her life, and it was clear in her mind that she needed to stay strong and keep all her pain hidden away. There would be time for grief later…

"I would be honored to join you." She replied. The queen smiled warmly up at the older woman. 

"I heard that, and I won't allow you to leave without protection." Another voice demanded from behind the two. They turned and there stood Merle, her hair taken down from their braids and left swinging halfway down her back. She was no longer dressed in her formal captain wear, but instead she wore a pair of loose breeches and a green midriff top.

"Captain Merle! I didn't hear you arrive." The queen said in shock.

"I'm as silent as a cat." Merle replied seriously, drawing a slight chuckle from Hitomi. The cat-woman smiled to see her old friend's good nature slowly begin to return to her in this time of troubles. The queen smiled hesitantly, unsure how to take the joke.

"Yes…well, I do appreciate your concern, Captain, as always, but I'm sure the Lady Hitomi and myself will be fine on a simple ride around the city." She spoke tensely. Merle frowned, her tail swishing in agitation.

"Forgive me, your majesty, but I am afraid I cannot allow that." Merle replied. "We can't be too careful with Lord Van missing, and we mustn't run the risk of losing both nobles. What would Margaretta do? Besides, I wished to speak to Hitomi some more, and a ride would be the perfect opportunity." Hitomi saw the queen about to protest, but she interrupted any objections Josine might have had.

"I would be grateful for your company as well, Merle." Hitomi said quickly, breaking the slight tension between the captain and queen. _~I wonder what happened between them, ~ _Hitomi thought_. ~ The queen spoke as if they were friends, so why is there this tension? ~_

"If you don't mind, then it would be kind of you to join us, Captain." Josine replied warmly, all tension in her voice gone. "Forgive me, but there are other duties I must see to before our ride. I shall meet you ladies at the stables, yes?" The others quickly agreed, and with a smile, Josine walked gracefully back to the palace. Merle sighed as she and Hitomi watched Josine's exit. Then, she turned back to Hitomi with a smile.

"Have you finished your tour of the gardens, Hitomi? I know that last time you weren't here long enough to enjoy them, and there is a place that I think you'd really like." Merle took her hand and began to lead her through the gardens. Hitomi watched her carefully, but the cat-woman gave no other signs of discomfort. With kittenish excitement, Merle paused beside a wall of hedges. Without a word, the cat grabbed Hitomi and pulled her through a hole that didn't really seem to be there. Hitomi was about to protest but the words stopped in her throat as she took in the sight before her. 

Merle had led her into an enclosed paradise, the green bushes through which they had passed circling the whole area. A wooden swing was hung from a branch of a grand willow tree across the way. Near the tree was a miniature waterfall, the water rippling in chorus to the sweet singing of the colorful birds that flew around. The water trickled in little rivers around a small island of flowers of various shades of blue and white. The entire area was fragrant with the scents of the flowers, and it radiated with the love and tenderness of the caretaker.

"Come up into the tree." Merle said softly, and climbed into the tree branches with Hitomi hoisting herself up after her. When she finally sat beside Merle on a thick branch, she smiled thinly.

"I guess having a child made me more out of shape then I used to be…" Merle didn't appear to hear her, instead she pointed back to the waterfall fountain.

"Look closely at the island, Hitomi. Does it look familiar to you?" Hitomi followed her friend's instructions and gazed down upon the arrangement of blue and white flowers. It was then that she noticed that they made a pattern of two circles, the smaller of the two circles in whites and greys that overlaid the larger blue and white sphere. Hitomi thought her heart would stop beating completely. She quickly glanced to the sky to confirm her suspicions, and her voice caught in her throat.

"It's…it's a mural of the Mystic Moon…" she murmured in awe, gazing at the flowered mural.

"He did it a few years after you left." Merle said softly, pulling her knees to her chest and letting her tail swing in gentle affection. "It was his way of keeping you close, even when you were so far away. He knew that if he tended to it and it flourished, then you must be well and happy. I'll never forget how determined he would be, sitting in the dirt, tending to each flower specially, afraid to let any one wilt. He would come back to the palace covered in dirt and sweat, with a smile shining brightly on his face." Hitomi felt her eyes film over, but she hurriedly blinked back tears. She wouldn't cry…she wouldn't.

"Van…" She whispered, all her love pouring through her body.

"I thought you should see it. " Merle gazed at Hitomi's heartbroken face and gently wiped the tears from her friend's eyes with the back of her hand. 

"He shouldn't have. He shouldn't have…." Hitomi whispered. He shouldn't have kept her close. Betrayal rang heavily in her heart. She had abandoned most all thoughts of him upon arriving back on Earth, and still he managed to keep her near to him. She had married. _He_ had married. Why didn't he give her up, when he had found a new woman to love? In her heart, she was relieved that he hadn't, but another part of her chastised his betrayal to his wife. It was clear by how well kept the garden was that he tended to it often. She voiced her thoughts. "Doesn't Queen Josine mind?"

"Queen Josine could care less." Merle scoffed, wrinkling her nose in distaste. "That's what irritates me about her." Hitomi looked at her, shocked.

"I thought you two were friends! From the way she praised you and talked of you, it seemed as though you were on good terms."

"Generally, yes. She's a dear woman, very close to me. It's just on the topic of Van that I get frustrated with her."

"I'm afraid I don't understand." Hitomi replied, silently urging her friend to tell-all. It kept her mind from thinking of the garden in which they sat, it kept her from thinking of her all-too familiar what-if's and might-have-been's. Merle opened her mouth as if she would say something more on the subject, but she quickly shut it and shook her head with a chuckle.

"Don't' worry about it. Come, the Queen is probably ready for her ride, and I need to go fetch my second in command to make the journey as well." She glanced at Hitomi sheepishly. "That is, if you don't mind. It would make more sense to have two guards protecting two civilians that me trying to do it all." 

"Of course." Hitomi laughed. She glanced at the sky, and saw the sun midway to the horizon. "I hadn't realized so much time had passed." Merle leapt from the tree with feline grace and grinned up at Hitomi. 

"Come on Hitomi! I'll race you back to the stables!" She crouched on all fours and quickly bounded across the paradise, disappearing through the bushes as Hitomi desperately scrambled down the tree.

"Merle! Come back here! Wait!" Hitomi raced after her, crying desperately. "Where the heck are the stables? Merle!" 

~~~

Well, there you go everyone. Chapter four has been completed, after a slight hiatus. You know I love reviews, so keep them coming ^.~ Truly, I appreciate your comments, and be honest. ^_^ I'll do the next chapter shortly, but I have a few other stories demanding my attention as well, and of course the traumas of everyday life…but hey, you demand, I write, that the way it works. ^_^ I'm not the best "authors note" person out there, am I? Oh well. 3 always,

Willow Mae


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